The Fountain of Aasia

I hope everyone knows they can come to me. I love that I have grown into a person that can talk about anything, happy, mad, sad, however you feel I am a listening ear. I have not spoken, hungout, or seen my friend in months and we are not really close but she texted me randomly at 11 o'clock at night looking for support and reassurance and I did not hesitate to give it to her. It brings me joy helping people even if it was someone I met in passing or a mutual, I would do my best to lend an ear and lessen the burden. I feel blessed she chose me to talk to and help her. It brings me joy to share love and also gives me reasurrance that I am a good friend and someone people can rely on (which is what i value most in this life)  I am constanly reminded by those who have witnessed my existence that I am who I think I am. If we just met, or have yet to meet, nevertheless if you need an ear you can always use mine! I am not a yapper so I might have little to nothing to say (depending on the topic) but sometimes all you need is to be heard! I think we are developing a culture where we struggle to reach the people we need to in times of severity and our environment promotes insuffecnt communication with the people we care about.  I think it is hard to confide in someone who has blocades on being reachable (DND) and I understand needing peace at moments but there are still ways to be available to those around us and I feel like a lot of people over look that....

Weird recession

Is it play in my face year or?????? I think our generation has become accustomed to acting out. A lot of people decide to be rude and inhumane instead of taking the path to growth and conversating. I have grown into a person who believes that I should communicate on almost everything (shout out Allison aka my life coach) because there is always room for the unexpected. I have been feeling like a lot of people around me have not been considerate towards me, unreliable, and completely ignore me unprovoked. I try to be considerate and give people the benefit of the doubt because everyone has their own life to live and go through trials and tribulations so I can't always be seen. I often jump to conclusions and assume I provoked someone to be purely mean to me instead of ultimately considering the fact that I am not the issue. I know myself and the type of friend I am/want to be which is always available and considerate of everyone close to me and I don't really think I have anyone like that at the moment. I often wish I had that 'bestfriend' girls are always promoting propaganda for but I have my sister so its chill :/ . To be real I feel like I just lost my best friend and it makes me sad (emphasis on sad) because it makes me realize they genuinely did not care for me the same way that I did for them, but again I have my sister so its chill :/ . This might sound like a pity party but I am actually learning and I love that, I love that I am experiencing turmoil because it means I am living. I reset my expectations for everyone and take them for how they are because at the end of the day I don't love my friends for who they 'could be' I love them as they are. But chat I have my sister so....

Me, Myself and the Fourth

 I love to mind my business!!!!!! I know that’s not very popular but I just live so much of a free life not involved with everyone else’s lives, I also dgaf so…………I have too much going on myself to be worried about anyone else. I wish there were more people I knew who love to mind their business and not talk about this or that . It’s cool sometimes but there are so many things I would rather talk about. What about the fact that there are people building relationships with Ai….like why does ChatGPT call you “Father Randy.” (I don’t do that Ai shii, I’m pro-water #woke). Actually I might be too woke for not talking shii all the time. I just don’t find the amusement of it and I also have too much empathy for the people even if they are a bad person I like to create scenarios to explain why they might act the way they do. Which is probably not a good thing  but aye man life lifes so move on. It also is just bullying sometimes and I’m not with that #peace&loveontheplanetearth! Will people say I’m lying???? Irrelevant. Question is, will you be honest with yourself about minding your business 

Freshly Fresh

There is so much going on! As I am writing this only TWO WEEKS OF CLASSES HAVE PASSED and everyone is already acting up. I am now trying to update my brain to adjust to the fact that scenerios with college freshman are not equal to scenerios with highschool freshman, but nevertheless still weirds me out. Everyone is ready to match make and play house; I mean im not against it but I didnt think it would happen so quick..... Im already disconnecting with people because theyre caught up in a trans. I thought we were memorizing our schedules and making sure our classes were good to stay. I can feel this year going by quickly because the amount of times I have been smacked in the face within the span of two weeks feels like it could have been four months that my ass has been dragged across the floor. I probably sound like a hater right now but that 19 theory aint no joke and ALL YALL FINNA FEEL IT. Its a cannon event so its okay. All my day ones switching up though, so dont try and remember me now that the love of your life has left. I actually am hating.....I do want some/most of yall to fail not gonna lie........ BUT NOT IN LIFE GO DO THAT SCHOOL WORK!

Lying Epidemic

 Am I tripping or is everyone lowkey a pathological liar in some shape or form? I know too many people that lie for no reason, including me! I dont know why I lie sometimes and I have no reason to AT ALL! Someone could ask me what I ate for breakfast and I would say I ate some bacon but in reality I just had apple sauce and cereal or I would see someone in passing and they ask where im coming from I would lie, not even to make myself seem more interesting or anything but lowkey just because I dont want to say too much. Even my friend lies for no reason. She loves to lie on everybody and she swears up and down she can rap! She also like to lie about washing her ass........ She think she Beyonce, Michael Jackson, AANDD K. Michelle all in one which is a form of lying in itself. Oh and dont get me started on niggas because ALL THEY DO IS LIE!!! I dont know why, they dont know why, only God knows why for real and the 'why' is probably for no reason because I dont know about yall, but im nobody to lie to; I dont give af enough to care about what you saying in the first place. Im still gon dislike you nonetheless. I got a homeboy who lies just about everything, coming to hangout, what kind of phone he got, celebrating birthdays, he just not shii to be honest....... I think we need to practice more honesty and try to embrace events thats come from the truth, including me but my homeboys really programmed me to just automatically lie so it's their fault.

I am In a Fragile State

 I dont know whether I should be writing like "Dear diary" or from a 'this is for everyone else' standpoint. Nevertheless here we go.......I believe I am in the phase of my life where I am questioning the friends I have now and ones I want to keep. I having been going on for days in my head back and forth trying to navigate the direction I want to go in friendship wise. I feel as if nobody gives a nat anymore; there is no one left even my rainbow stuffed koala has left me which actually breaks my heart.I am learning that it is not as simple as being cool and funny. Where are you going? Can you break from routine? Are you open minded? How much do you care about others and most importantly how much do you care about yourself? I am facing a lot of neglect and I even neglect the feelings I have about being negleted. I am trying to figure out what is okay to forgive and where do you decide to cut ties. I love all my friends I feel they have been good to me in many ways then one, but there may be times where they treat me poorly. I do not want to be that person who lets their kindness be taken advantage of and walked upon but I also do not want to make the mistake of losing someone important to me and that needs me. Life is hard  but I see the beauty in letting go and creating more space for a better life. When do you decide to cut ties and how many chances do you give?